The Knobbly Cob, Gloucester

On Tuesday morning I found myself and my van on the pedestrianised zone in Gloucester town centre at 9am, waiting for a customer (a bank) to open at half nine. I spied a sign offering 'Bacon Bap £1.29 before half eleven'.

I needed no further convincement and requested a bacon bap and I don't mind waiting for the bacon to be well done.

Bread
One very large, soft, fresh bap. No flour. (3)
Spread
She asked if I wanted it marj'ed. I said yes please. (5)
Bacon
Three large rashers, well cooked, though not quite well enough. (3)
Sauce
The usual; offered but from behind the counter. (2)
Salinity and Flavour
Not too salty but a mild salty aftertaste, quite tasty. (3)
Value for Money
£1.29 - I'd have paid £2.50 (4.5)

Overall score for The Knobbly Cob - 3.4 out of 5

The Buttyman, an industrial estate,Tewkesbury.

The titular proprietor, or Buttyman, as his van, t-shirt and apron all indicated his name to be, turned out to be of eastern european origin, but this in no way impaired his ability to provide a decent bacon sandwich. Not to mention the offer of butter, which was accepted without hesitation of course. The menu offered a bacon 'stick' or a bacon 'roll', I ignored this and asked for a bacon 'sandwich', which he duly delivered.

Bread
Two slices of freshly cut, white bread; a dusting of flour on the firm but willingly yielding crust. Cut from a loaf the size of the former Yugoslavia (4.5)
Spread
Offered, which is all it takes for a maximum mark (5)
Bacon
Reasonably well cooked, considering I had not specified well done. Enough coverage to ensure bacon in every bite plus some layering. Not the greatest quality rashers though (3.5)
Sauce
Offered, but the Buttyman would have decided where and how much (2)
Flavour and Salinity
Acceptable, even tasty during the meal, but a super-salty aftertaste (2.5)
Price
£2.30 - Incredible value for money (4)

If the bacon had been a better quality I'd have given a four, and that would have risen the price score to a five. As it is the only real let-down was the sauce not being on the counter for my own addition to the meal.

Overall score for the Buttyman - 3.6 out of 5

The Birthday Bacon Sandwich Review

Made by my wife, accompanied by a cup of birthday tea (English Breakfast), and the birthday papers (The Times).

Of course, my wife has the unfair advantage of being my wife. And, although she will doubtless shoot to the top of the leaderboard, she will be leading a board of one, for these sandwiches will be judged against future birthday bacon sandwiches, and any others that I happen to have in between.

So no need to panic, Brislington van.


Order
Three please.

Bread
Three of the softest, whitest, fluffiest, flouriest little rolls you ever did see (5)
Spread
Of course (5)
Bacon
Just enough coverage, some doubling occuring at the expense of small gaps. I wouldn't have said no to an extra rasher being shared between the three buns. Nicely cooked (4)
Sauce
N/A
Salinity and Flavour
Reasonable, not the greatest tasting bacon in the world, but not bad. Nice saltiness (3.5)
Price
Marriage (5)

Score for my wife's Birthday Bacon Sandwiches - 4.5 out of 5

The highest ever score of course :D

The place by the Sainsbury's cash machines at Green Park, Bath

I bought a sandwich from here a few months back, when my sister visited, and shared it with her. We discussed it's merits and decided that it was one of the better sandwiches we had eaten, but I never got round to writing the review. I planned to re-visit immediately, but my sister insisted that I wait for her next visit, so that she may share in the salty goodness...today that day came.

The breakdown...

"Two white bacon rolls please"
"Buttered"
"Yes please. And I don't mind waiting for well done bacon"

Bread
Fairly small, soft, white roll. Lightly floured (3)
Spread
Offered and taken, well done sir (5)
Bacon
Too many rashers. All with fat untrimmed and undercooked. The last time I was here the young lad made sure by finishing the rashers off in the George Forman (2)
Sauce
The sauces were there for my own application (5)
Salinity and Flavour
The bacon here has good flavour, though it's salinity is at the upper limits of palatability (4)
Price
£2.50 - Value for money, yes, but at the expense of quality (3)

Overall rating for The place by Sainsbury's cash machines at Green Park, Bath - 3.7 out of 5

A fair score which would have been considerably higher, were it not for the poorly cooked bacon.

Karlsburgers, Nettlefold Road, Cardiff

Karl, as I assume the proprieters name to be, is a big man with green tattoos on his forearms. He has cleverly adapted the Carlsberg logo to read 'Karlsburgers' and added the obligatory 'probably the best burgers in the world' tagline to the livery on his van. Which is all very nice, but his bacon sandwich left a lot to be desired.

The breakdown...

"Bacon roll please" says I.
"Large or small?" Karl asks, menacingly.
"How big's a small?"
"This big." says Karl, holding up a bun the size of a football (the world cup started today, ooh topical)
"That'll do."

Bread
Soft, fluffy white bun (4)
Spread
No spread. Not even a mention of it's existence (0)
Bacon
Two rashers; one slightly overdone, the other as stiff as a board (2)
Sauce
Neither offered nor taken, but available on the counter if required (5)
Salinity and Flavour
On the salty side of tasty. Or the tasty side of salty (3.5)
Price
£1.80 - incredible value for money. I'd have gladly paid extra for a third rasher (4)

Overall rating for Karlsburgers - 3.1 out of 5

If Karl had buttered that bun and thrown in the vital third rasher, or even if the two rashers I was given has not been so blatantly hot-plated all morning, his eponymous burger van could have achieved a much higher score.

Archway Cafe, Lower Bristol Road, Bath

Helping a friend move house. A van was hired; bacon sandwich could not help but follow. Imagine my surprise when, back in the van, I opened my paper-bag to discover, not only the usual paper-serviette, but also a paper-plate. This environmental blindness will not go unpunished!

The Breakdown, each category scored out of five.

Order Placed
Just a bacon sandwich please, to take out. White bread thanks.
Bread
Freshly sliced doughy white bread, each slice approximately one inch thick (2)
Spread
The cheapest spread imaginable, applied without hesitation (2)
Bacon
Masses (5) of very cheap bacon (1), hanging out like dog's tongues, slightly under-done (2.5)
Sauce
Offered, though not for my own application (2)
Salinity and Flavour
Salty-but-not-over-salty. Flavoursome-but-not-very-flavoursome (2.5)
Price and value for money
£2.20 - reasonable, given the amount provided (3)

Overall rating for the Archway Cafe, Bath - 2.3 out of 5, rounded down to 2 for the paper-plate.

The bread was way too thick; I've heard of doorstep slices but this was the doorstep and a flight of stairs leading up to it. The bacon was a bit stringy due to its poor quality and it not having been properly cooked.

UPDATED SCORES

It gives me great pleasure to present the scores for each of the bacon sandwich emporia reviewed thus far;

Brislington B&Q (VAN), Bristol - 3.9

The Granary (SHOP), Gateshead - 3.6

New York Deli (VAN), Gateshead - 3.5

Hungry Jacks (VAN), Washington - 3.3

Picnic in the Park (CAFE), Bath - 2.8

Guildhall Cafe (CAFE), Bath - 2.3

Reading Services (DINER?), M4 motorway - 1.8